Saturday, December 31, 2016

BOOK REVIEW - FOUR TO SCORE by JANET EVANOVICH - STEPHANIE PLUM # 4 - PAN MACMILLAN - MYSTERY CONTEMPORARY CRIME


By: Janet Evanovich
Published By: Pan Macmillan
Released: Available Now
Details: Paperback from library, 311 Pages

RATING: 4 SHENANIGAN STARS!

Blurb: Goodreads


Stephanie Plum, Trenton, New Jersey's favorite pistol-packing, condom-carrying bounty hunter, is back - and on the trail of a revenge-seeking waitress who's skipped bail. With the help of 73-year-old Grandma Mazur, ex-hooker Lula, a transvestite musician named Sally Sweet, and the all-too-hospitable, all-too-sexy Joe Morelli, Stephanie might just catch her woman. Then again, with more mishaps than there are exits on the Jersey Turnpike - including murders, firebombs, and Stephanie's arch-rival bounty hunter chasing after the same fugitive - Stephanie better watch her back big-time if she wants to live to crack this case.


BOOK REVIEW:


Shenanigans abound.

Morelli vs Plum slides into some home runs.

Ranger just tickles my lady boner.

Sally Sweet is the new addition…rocker-transvestite.

Lula is… H.I.L.A.R.I.O.U.S.

Put Lula, Grandma Mazur, Sally and Steph on a short road trip to Atlanta and shit will go sideways…inevitable.

Throw in a biaatch from the past and you have another Stephanie Plum installment…well, also a few missing body parts and a murder and cars going KABOOM.

Janet has a way with describing her characters.



If people were cars, Lula would be a big, black ’53 Packard with a high-gloss chrome grill, oversized headlights, and a growl like a junkyard dog. Lots of muscle. Never fit in a compact place.



Ranger was waiting under the canopy. He was dressed in a black T-shirt and black assault pants tucked into black boots. He had a body like Schwarzenegger, dark hair slicked back off his face and a two-hundred-watt smile. He was drop-dead sexy, he was as sane as Batman, and he was a primo bounty hunter.


He was dressed in tight black leather pants held together at the sides with leather lacing that left a strip of pale white flesh from ankle to waist, and a black leather vest that molded around cone-shaped , eat-your-heart-out-Madonna breasts. He was close to seven feet tall in his black platform pumps. He had a large hook nose, red roses tattooed on his biceps and – thank you, Lord – he didn’t had a tongue stud. He was wearing a blond Farrah Fawcett wig, fake eyelashes and glossy maroon lipstick. His nails had been painted to match his lips.



Then put Lula and Sally together and the discussions on female attire and cosmetics.



He was wearing leather sandals, cut-offs that were so short he had a cheek showing, a sleeveless T-shirt top and a two-day beard.

“Not sure you totally got the hang of this woman stuff,” Lula said. “Think maybe you’d do better shaving your ass than worrying about lip gloss.”






“Jesus,” Sally said, “who do you think I am, Thunder the Wonder Horse? My gun wouldn’t fit in my purse.”

“You need to get a smaller gun,” Lula said. “Ruins your lines with that big Glock in your drawers.”


And because Debbie Reynolds passed away yesterday, and after seeing her as Grandma Mazur in the One For The Money movie, which I watched again yesterday, here is a quote.



“Pot roast,” Lula said. “Boy, I like pot roast.” She pulled a chair up and shook out her napkin.

“I always wanted to eat with a Negro,” Grandma said.

“Yeah, well, I always wanted to eat with a boney-assed old white woman,” Lula said. “So I guess this works out good.”

Grandma and Lula did some complicated handshake thing.

“Bitchin’,” Grandma said.



Another fun beach read that has me coming back for more.



R.I.P Debbie and Carrie.




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